Five of the most important words you can say to a student

How Can I Help You?

That’s it… too simple you might say. Well, bear with me as we go through this together.

You don’t know the background of all of your students. Some appear to come from wealthy backgrounds. They look like they get everything that they need (or even want). Others look well adjusted and well rounded, even if they’re obviously not the richest ones in the class. While other students look like they don’t have much support at home. Those are the ones with ill-fitting clothes, a general unkempt look and sometimes even a little undernourished.

Let’s start with the most obvious kids who might need to hear those all-important words from one of the few stable influences in their lives. These are the students that LOOK like they could use some care and intervention. Here are some of the things that I have come across since I have been in education (and to be fair… some have been discretely shared with me by the school counselors and/or law enforcement officers that I know). I’m sure there many other challenges out there that I’ve missed, but here is my unscientific list:

Billy might be living out of the mini-van or the local “fleabag” motel because his family lost their house. Jerome could have to watch and care for his two younger siblings after school until bedtime and get them up and ready for school because his mom works at night to support the family.

Tawana is being sexually abused by her mom’s “boyfriend”. Her mother doesn’t want to hear about it, because he is the provider. Aaron is existing on macaroni and cheese at home, because his Dad has lost his job due to his drug abuse.  Jose is getting beat by his father every other night or so due to his binge drinking and alcoholism problem.  Lauren constantly is coughing due to the lack of heat in their house.

Enough of the worst issues… or is it. What about those students who don’t seem like they have any problems?

Landon’s parents fight every night and even though they close the door and send him to his room, he hears the awful comments. Divorce is mentioned and threatened constantly.  Sophia’s parents are both high-powered executives in their chosen fields and are rarely home to see their only child, but even then they are on the cell phone the majority of the time. They spend almost no time with her. Then there is Michael. His mother died at childbirth and he’s been raised by his father and his grandmother. She then passes away.

I could keep going on and on. You don’t know what your students are going through. Sometimes you can’t even imagine what the issues are. They are not just students… they’re people too. People have issues. I’m not saying that you need to be a therapist. In fact, some of these issues are better addressed by qualified counselors, law enforcement, social services, or qualified mental health professionals.

However none of those people in those positions see your students as much as you do. You are their teacher. Some of your students see you more each day than their family members. You could possibly be one of the few people in your students’ lives to be in a position to help. You’ve got to pay attention and build those positive relationships.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that unless the basic needs such as food, safety, and shelter are addressed, then nothing much else can be focused on. That’s so true. How can you think about learning your ABCs, learning fractions, or balancing chemical equations, if your stomach is growling or if you are worried about where you will sleep that night?  Even if the situation isn’t that dire, if you’re worried about deciding which parent you might go to live with, or if you feel so alone…

Kids can lose hope.

If you’re a teacher (and if you are a school administrator you’re STILL a teacher. You’re just teaching teachers, as well as students. Or at least you should be.) you NEED to remind all of your staff, not just the teachers, to ask this question of ALL your students and you need to ask it frequently. “How can I help you?” Yes, even those students that we place in that “challenging” category.

Your students need to know that they can trust you. They need to know that you care. That old saying still holds true. And in this day and age with the many challenges facing our young people, it’s even more important. “Your students won’t care, until they know you care.”

Let me know how you encourage your staff members to show their students that they truly care. How should you (or do you) show you care as a principal? I challenge you to increase your efforts.There is a lot riding on it!