How To Deal With An Upset Parent (or teacher, etc…)
Upset Parent. Upset Parents. Upset students. Upset teacher. Upset staff member. Upset central office staff. All this can equal an upset stomach! How can you deal with the inevitable negative issues that arise and keep them from becoming truly negative situations (or at least minimizing the negativity).
First of all, the biggest advice I could give you is to truly LISTEN. When you hear about a concern, if at all possible, try to see that parent (or teacher) ASAP. When problems have time to fester, they begin to seem worse to parents or teachers and they begin to run all kinds of conspiracy scenarios in their heads. The issues become magnified when they think no one cares.
As author and leader John C. Maxwell stated, “People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude”.
I used to want to solve everyone’s problem right away. I would start thinking about how to fix the problem before they were even finished telling me about the issue. I would interrupt when they said something that was incorrect. I was more worried about being right than their feelings.
I learned. People want to be listened to. They want to believe people care. They want to connect. They want to feel valued. They want their input to count. and yes, they want the situation to be addressed.
Even if you can’t fix a situation right away, just knowing that you have listened to their concerns solves a lot of things. People are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, if they trust you.
How do you gain trust? Listen… yes, it’s a big circle. I now try to listen to people who are upset until they almost “wind down”. If you don’t get past that stage, it’s hard for them to hear you and the steps you’re going to take to address the situation.
Ask the parent if it’s okay to take notes while they’re explaining the situation. After they’ve finished explaining what has happened, ask any questions you have. Don’t try to solve the problem right then and there. Let the person you know that you will gather all the information needed. Above all, I repeat, LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE AND THAT THEIR CONCERN IS IMPORTANT TO YOU!
And lastly, follow-up on their concern. All of the good will that you have built up by being empathetic and caring will be lost if you don’t follow through on what you said you were going to do. Do your best to address the situation quickly and let the person know of the outcome. Even if they don’t agree with you. In the long-term, this policy will pay off for you and for everyone involved with your school.
What has been the best or worst way that you have handled a negative situation? What did you learn from that?
Thanks for your comments Dr. Britt and Renee Groskreutz. You both make some great points!
This is a great post. Thank you so much. Listening is something that we humans seem to struggle with for sure. This is a great point:
Even if you can’t fix a situation right away, just knowing that you have listened to their concerns solves a lot of things. People are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, if they trust you.
I find it helpful to repeat back the concern after I have listened. Often times it is not the message they meant to relay. Or it shows that you did hear them.